Reflection for the Self:
    
Aversion to loss drives most decision-making.

This dissuades us from pursuing deeper meaning due to unsubstantiated fear. 

This fear can hold you hostage to yourself.  

People find meaning when they are playing to win instead of avoiding loss.  

Before leadership, one needs to develop self-awareness. 

 

The Cycle of Bonding: 
 

Cycle of bonding: Attach - Bonding - Separation - Grief         

Grief never goes away, and blocks bonding.

If people cannot bond with you, you cannot lead. 
Learn to ask for, and receive help.
You have to grieve, you have to cry to get over what holds you back.

Only after you have dealt with your issues can you be a secure base for others. 
 

Secure Base: 

 

For people to take chances and do their best, they need psychological safety.

This allows them to take risks to create value with support and without judgement. 

Organisations that do not have psychological safety cannot innovate. 

A secure base leader provides that safety, and through that dares staff to go further.

A secure base leader will hold staff to high standards and will call them out. 

Despite confronting them on performance issues, focus should always be on learning. 

​

Communication Guides: 

 

Speak in 4 sentences or less. (Baby shoes for sale, never used.)         

Blocks to dialogue: passivity, discounting, redefinition, over detailing.               

Know the difference between caring and rescuing.         

Take responsibility for your own state.         

 

Leadership Ideas:   
 

Must inspire to be able to lead        

When you see change coming, act.         

Bet on people, not strategies.         

Culture is the product of how people think and act.         

Always give people a choice - even false ones.         

Reward effort, process - in addition to result.         

Look for coachable moments.         

Must care (secure base) 100% to dare people 100%.         

Summarise communication into one key idea.         

A leader has the right to define his or her organisation's reality. 

     

Bond, Bond, Bond:    

Dialogue is seeking a greater truth together.

Be interested in other people rather than being interesting.

Bonding is the basis of all communication.

Train yourself to listen by asking questions.

Humans are emotional beings who think.

Always seek feedback

 

Conflict is not always Bad: 

 

Reality is different for different people.

A leader can define reality but must listen, not having to agree to another.

Learn to love conflict.

Discuss the elephant in the room.
Put the fish (issue) on the table. 

Define the fish.

Don't be a hostage to another's point of view. 

Be self-aware when the discussions become emotional. 

Reward concessions, but be assertive with your reality. 

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“A fool tries to convince me with his words, a wise man shows me with my own.” 

 

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